Noah, Ah, No.

I miss my News Feed on Facebook. I miss seeing what people are up to, and sandwiches being made, and weather, and more exciting things as well. I used to get a steady flow of cute kitty pictures, and funny jokes, one-liners, and interesting statuses to watch. I could see the stead flow of relationship statuses, and location check-ins. Now, it is all Noah, all the time. Since it is already all Noah, I will add my blurb to the pile.

If anyone is not aware, there is a new movie out called Noah. I haven’t seen it, and I probably won’t bother. I am not avoiding it because it is, “not 100% on to the Biblical account.” I am going to avoid it because it looks like a terrible movie. The things I have read make it look like it cannot keep a stable worldview for what is/isn’t able to happen in the universe in which the story is set. The acting is supposedly at a B level from a cast of A actors. If I am going to watch a cheesy movie, I will go with Bruce Campbell thank you very much.



No matter what this movie had done, it would have been doomed to failure in the Christian world. If they had tried to make the movie more literal on one side, or less literal on the other side someone (many someones) would be upset with the outcome. Christians need to stop expecting Hollywood to make a movie they will be proud of having made, it isn’t going to happen. The problem with trying to please everyone is, nobody will probably be happy with the outcome in the end.

Fact is, in Christianity, there are a bunch of different series of beliefs (some doctrinal, some dogmatic) which will clash with other people’s beliefs. The three/four point, & TULIP Calvinists will always have a difference in beliefs with the Armenians, and the Catholics, and the, and the, and the, etc… As soon as something in the script lines up with one group, it is probably out of sync with the other groups. Instead of watching any “Bible based [loosely used]” movie with a mindset of, “This will probably not line up with my beliefs entirely,” the mindset becomes:


If Christians want a movie they can enjoy, start making better movies than the awful, terrible, painful garbage being produced. Shy of Veggie Tales, I can’t think of many Christian movies I enjoy outside of nostalgic value. If the medium is the message, then production values matter. If you want people to take the message seriously, then stop having a cast who are “play acting,” and get people who can really act. The script should have flow, and not feel like things are being shoehorned into it. Christianity used to be known for its dedication to the Arts, now… it is known for cinematic cheese (and talking vegetables). Cinema is one of the major art forms of the day, so… maybe Christianity should get out there and contribute masterpieces instead of waiting for someone else to do it?




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